The Queue: 365 Movies I Never Saw Because I've Spent Too Much Time on Twitter

Part 7 of a 12-part series whereupon I watch one movie a day and rank them in their given month based entirely on subjective preferences.

The rules:

1) must be a movie I've never seen

2) review must be 32 words or less

3) must include an assortment of genres, directors, countries, and films inside and outside my comfort zone

4) must watch the film in its entirety, no matter how atrocious

Like you, I have a lot of movies on my list, many of which are so painfully popular, I carry great shame in having missed them. Few regrets. But great shame.

For each, I shall write only brief thoughts and become an intolerable quasi-cinephile who thinks Jeanne Dielman, 23 quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles is more interesting than any Marvel movie, and Phil Alden Robinson is a better director than James Cameron. Both of which are true.

I apologize for nothing.

Enjoy.

~MJM

#31) Journey to the Center of the Earth (2008)

Bigger plot holes than the center of the Earth ... haha. I'm sorry. Anyway ... It ain't bad. I mean, it's bad, but I just can't disparage Brendan Fraser.

#30) Malevolent (2018)

The film is messy, but the concept's cool. Despite that, Pugh is radiant. As always. Big fan. Have I mentioned?

#29) Insidious (2010)

Tbf, I just don't think this type of horror is my thing ... homage to Poltergeist (which of course is a rare gem of perfection) notwithstanding.

#28) Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)

It's like your 10-year-old cousin who tells the dumbest most dated jokes and you sort of love him but want him to go away forever. He's also an alcoholic.

#27) Tenet (2020)

I can't deny, Nolan's weakest film to date ... Just had no idea what was happening for over half the movie. Like Homer Simpson watching Twin Peaks.

#26) Brick (2005)

I get it ... a Raymond Chandler-esque high school noir. But too convoluted for its own good. Rian Johnson is brilliant. See it only for that reason.

#25) Black Sheep (1996)

If you ever watch the indecipherably incoherent Tenet, watch this immediately after to cleanse your spirit. Even if it's kinda weak.

#24) The Company of Wolves (1984)

Some great body horror. Was about to say, "I think the whole thing is about sexual repression and sexuality" like that wasn't blatantly obvious.

#23) Fear and Desire (1953)

Like a long Twilight Zone episode without the sci-fi/fantasy. Didn't think it was the travesty Kubrick believed it to be. Watchable. Has a purpose.

#22) The Peanuts Movie (2015)

Worth seeing just for the animation, which is out of sight.

#21) The Invisible Man (2020)

The pacing goes from parking lot to freeway in a second. I'm not sure I bought some of the logic, but it's a fun watch.

#20) Viva Las Vegas (1964)

I don't know why I like it, but I'm open to suggestions.

#19) From Russia with Love (1963)

It's ... okay. Some cool action sequences for 1963. But—heresy alert—felt bleh compared to its predecessor.

#18) The Jerk (1979)

"We need a vehicle for emerging star Steve Martin." - "What if he plays a goof raised by a black family and then leaves to do stuff?" AND THEY SAID YES.

#17) The Killing (1956)

Kubrick's sophomore outing is a slick one, despite an almost comically unnecessary slur and men dying of gunshot wounds sans blood or bullet holes. Includes a neat connection to The Dark Knight.

#16) Sinister (2012)

Kind of slow, but can't fault it because the build-up pays off. Scott Derrickson films ftw.

#15) Serpico (1973)

As the movie goes on, Pacino grows more and more facial hair until it envelops him, and he suffocates to death.

#14) Paths of Glory (1957)

Outstanding. Would go as far as to say it's one of the best war movies ever made. Kubrick really belongs in the Top 5 Greatest Directors conversation.

#13) First Position (2011)

A fest hit from a while back worthy of the praise. For this subject matter—youth ballet—hard to make a better doc.

#12) Confess, Fletch (2022)

Jon Hamm is one of our era's great comic actors, and we never talk about it.

#11) Goldfinger (1964)

Even watching them play golf was entertaining. I gotta get one of them vintage Slazenger sweaters.

#10) Dr. No (1962)

Characters named Puss Feller and Honey Ryder. James Bond murders a spider. A tank shoots fire. Secret lairs. Brother, I don't know what more you want.

#9) The Prestige (2006)

Michael Caine is great in everything. Nolan never misses. Except that one time.

#8) Julie & Julia (2009)

Would go as far as to say it's possibly Ephron's best (out of her directed films) and one of Streep's most masterful performances.

#7) Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994)

A gothic diorama come to life. Dunst kinda steals everything.

#6) Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)

Take away the VO, and I don't know if I could tell it's a Woody Allen film. Neither a good or bad thing, because it's delightful.

#5) Don't Worry Darling (2022)

Imperfect, but absolutely did not deserve the middling reviews. Pugh is out of this universe. I'm convinced Wilde will be a top-tier director when it's all said and done.

#4) Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)

Totally ridiculous action scenes that make no sense. Best MI maybe. Hands down.

#3) Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice (1969)

Timeless, in a way. Not the idea of spouse swapping, but ... y'know, the rest of it. One of the most insightful relationship movies you'll see.

#2) Revolutionary Road (2008)

Destroyed. An intimate glimpse into American suburbanite mentality that aged really well. Almost a horror. One of Mendes' (and Newman's and Winslet's and DiCaprio's) best. Wish I'd seen it years ago.

#1) Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

Ngl, I more or less loved it. Start to finish. Flaws be damned. Such a psychotic ending that somehow works.

*Feature image by Graham Sisk, created for Pipeline Artists