The Queue: 365 Movies I Never Saw Because I've Spent Too Much Time on Twitter

Part 10 of a 12-part series whereupon I watch one movie a day and rank them in their given month based entirely on subjective preferences.

The rules:

1) must be a movie I've never seen

2) review must be 32 words or less

3) must include an assortment of genres, directors, countries, and films inside and outside my comfort zone

4) must watch the film in its entirety, no matter how atrocious

Like you, I have a lot of movies on my list, many of which are so painfully popular, I carry great shame in having missed them. Few regrets. But great shame.

For each, I shall write only brief thoughts and become an intolerable quasi-cinephile who thinks Jeanne Dielman, 23 quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles is more interesting than any Marvel movie, and Phil Alden Robinson is a better director than James Cameron. Both of which are true.

I apologize for nothing.

Enjoy.

~MJM

#31) The Black Cat (1934)

I didn't really get it. Needed more cat.

#30) Eyes Without a Face (1960)

The horror is in the build-up (the face removal scene—wtf ...), but if you stick through to the end, it's a nice-ish payoff. Ish.

#29) The Devil's Backbone (2001)

At the risk of getting called out by del Toro stans, it's just too ... uninteresting. Surprising, because I've seen four others of his and liked/loved all. Beh.

#28) Island of Lost Souls (1932)

The make-up and set design wins.

#27) A Bay of Blood (1971)

Just okay. You don't need great acting to have a good time.

#26) Inferno (1980)

I found it sorta hard to follow (?), but like Suspiria, it's not without rad set pieces and unsettling directing from Argento.

#25) The Faculty (1998)

Possibly the most stacked cast I've seen in a horror movie ... Would have been nice to see in theaters. Once, anyway.

#24) The Lost Boys (1987)

I only knew about the saxophone character from gifs and memes, and I gotta say it's such a brief scene, but delivered. Also Kiefer Sutherland's hair looked rad.

#23) Creep (2014)

Duplass is inherently creepy, comedic, and dramatic. One of our finer actors (no, really!) who deserves more credit. It mostly works, for what it is—a no-budget, two-hander.

#22) Pet Sematary (1989)

Besides Fred Gwynne, who is inimitable, this is best watched with a group of sarcastic friends and Mystery Science Theatered to death. Some of the greatest unintentionally funny scenes in film history.

#21) The Invisible Man (1933)

Sure you can see some wires, but gotta say, I had to look up how they pulled off a few of the effects. A marvel.

#20) The Mummy (1932)

Banger. Didn't buy the forced love story, but—imaginative, beautiful storytelling. Universal crushed the 30s.

#19) The Old Dark House (1932)

The real horror is having unannounced houseguests.

#18) Videodrome (1983)

Maybe the real videodrome is the new flesh friends we made along the way (inside reference, you have to see it, I'm sorry).

#17) The Changeling (1980)

One of the top horrors in the "moving to a new house" subgenre, which is comprised of 762,000 films. So that's pretty good.

#16) Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

I expected a serious gothic horror. Lol. What an expectation ... Possibly the single most objectively great-bad movie I've ever seen.

#15) The Phantom of the Opera (1925)

I'm sure there's another version with an orchestra or something, but this is literally a silent film—as in no music or anything. And it's kinda creepy even by modern standards.

#14) Dracula (1931)

Not as intensely monstrous as Frankenstein, but a winner. So much is accomplished with silence.

#13) Let the Right One In (2008)

An elegant and macabre horror you rarely find, no matter the decade.

#12) Annihilation (2018)

I didn't think this was a horror until I watched it, and, yes, definitely a horror. One of the most unique genre hybrids I've seen, too.

#11) The Wolf Man (1941)

Lon Chaney is so good it almost hurts to watch.

#10) The Fly (1986)

There was and is no better actor for this role than Jeff Goldblum.

#9) Talk to Me (2022)

The first jump scare is so perfect. The second jump scare is even better. Also I hate jump scares, so fuck this movie to the depths, can't wait to see it again.

#8) Frankenstein (1931)

Luminous in all facets. The set design is sick. When that dude is carrying his dead daughter through the town? Clincher.

#7) The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

Wildly superb, sure. But gotta say: very little Bride here. It's no joke maybe three minutes of Bride. More like the Casual Girlfriend of Frankenstein.

#6) Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)

The first 45 seconds is grotesque and it never lets up. Look/feel is magnif, somewhere between a 70s horror and a nightmarish Werner Herzog documentary. Best Dracula movie?

#5) A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

The movie I was too scared to watch from 1984-2023 (besides, no lie ... the drama Mask). It's dumb and goofy and stellar, too.

#4) The Last House on the Left (1972)

An unheralded champion again: editing. Clicks on every level. Wes Craven was on another planet, as far as debuts go. A depraved masterpiece.

#3) No Hard Feelings (2023)

*yes, this breaks my "only horror movies in October" theme, but given the news cycle, I couldn't take it anymore ...

Hit and miss. For me ... tbh, largely hit. Some great, deadpan Farrelly Brothers-esque one-liners. Jennifer Lawrence is Real™️. Would like to order more of these.

#2) Men (2022)

... this movie, beautifully, exists.

#1) Skinamarink (2022)

Like an art installation in an abandoned museum. Truly one of the more cursed horror films, with just enough breadcrumbs to open a debate about wtf it all means. A masterpiece.

*Feature image by Graham Sisk, created for Pipeline Artists