The Queue: 365 Movies I Never Saw Because I've Spent Too Much Time on Twitter

The final part of a 12-part series whereupon I watch one movie a day and rank them in their given month based entirely on subjective preferences.

The rules:

1) must be a movie I've never seen

2) review must be 32 words or less

3) must include an assortment of genres, directors, countries, and films inside and outside my comfort zone

4) must watch the film in its entirety, no matter how atrocious

Like you, I have a lot of movies on my list, many of which are so painfully popular, I carry great shame in having missed them. Few regrets. But great shame.

For each, I shall write only brief thoughts and become an intolerable quasi-cinephile who thinks Jeanne Dielman, 23 quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles is more interesting than any Marvel movie, and Phil Alden Robinson is a better director than James Cameron. Both of which are true.

I apologize for nothing.

Enjoy.

~MJM

#31) Strange Days (1995)

Not Bigelow's best film by any stretch (a film that cannot possibly be beaten)—the first half is a mess—but she remains undefeated.

#30) Empire of the Sun (1987)

One of the only Spielberg films I've seen that feels like a slow start. Once it has its footing, it's ... okay? Tonally doesn't work. Bale is a marvel.

#29) Easy Rider (1969)

When I say this movie is "all vibes," I fear it undersells just how many vibes exist. It's not for me, but can see why its impactful.

#28) Godzilla (1954)

There’s so much buildup before we even see Godzilla, I rather liked that. It's no King Kong. Few are.

#27) I'm No Angel (1933)

My first Mae West movie and holy shit I wish she did a thousand more.

#26) Great Expectations (1946)

It's hard to explain why this is quite good, but it's quite good. I figured my first Lean film would meet my .... great expectations? [many lol emojis etc.]

#25) Chariots of Fire (1981)

Look, I know he's dead, but how can we bring Vangelis back?

#24) Seven Samurai (1954)

I mean ... look, it's slower than I figured—but it's so beautifully composed, it didn't really matter.

#23) Jules and Jim (1962)

Takes a page from Y Tu Mamá También more than I knew (or rather its Mexican forerunner took the page from Jules). French New Wave wins again.

#22) Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)

One of the most bizarre mainstream movies of the 40s.

#21) Rope (1953)

I don't know if it works—"works" in the sense that it's interesting start to finish—but on a technical level, it's excellent enough. Not like any Hitchcock I've seen.

#20) Cabaret (1972)

Eight Oscars, all earned.

#19) Superman (1978)

I can't figure out if it's the goofiest shit ever or a masterpiece, so I flipped a coin. Landed on its side.

#18) Lolita (1962)

Depraved—but not in the way you might think. Shelley Winters is a thief of the screen.

#17) Barry Lyndon (1975)

Wtaf is this movie ... No notes. Takes a while to figure out the tone, but no notes.

#16) Munich (2005)

Felt, at first, very un-Spielberg. But has a nice visual style not unlike 2000s Spielberg. Kinda sorta a must-watch, given These Interesting Modern Times™️.

#15) Vertigo (1958)

Not my favorite Hitchcock, but possibly his most beautiful film. And indeed, bizarre.

#14) Gone With the Wind (1939)

I could pen an essay branding this as satire with the proper context. But alas, I'm apathetic ... (that was also Gable's original line at the end before they changed it, true story).

#13) Rebecca (1940)

Look, I know she's dead, but I have a new crush on Joan Fontaine ...

#12) The Philadelphia Story (1940)

Lives up to the hype. At its best in its drama. Also Virginia Weidler plays the little sister in a limited role, but every scene she's in is magic.

#11) Wuthering Heights (1939)

Wyler really knew how to make movies ... A childish/gothic surrealism to it. Just an underrated marvel (or at least a film I don't hear mentioned often anymore).

#10) Blue Jasmine (2013)

Blanchett's best role that I've seen. Hawkins is extraordinary. The juxtaposition of cities works great. The ultimate cinematic portrayal of "projection." Top-tier Woody Allen.

#9) The Searchers (1956)

You had me at "accidentally bought a wife"—it had me before that, too, but that was a clincher ... A surprisingly funny (in places) and brutal (for the era) film.

#8) The Sound of Music (1965)

A top 2 musical featuring Nazis.

#7) A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)

See? This is what heat and humidity do to you.

#6) Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)

Gold.

#5) Duck Soup (1933)

I would say it's the Marx Brothers' best movie, but I'm not sure I've seen anything else outside of clips (?). Hard to believe anything of theirs beats this.

#4) Casablanca (1942)

Yes, I know ... But I hadn't really seen it in full. And yes, it's quite fantastic.

#3) The Deer Hunter (1978)

God(father)-like in scope. More intense than I could have imagined. The fact this was produced only a couple years after the end of the war is wild.

#2) Lawrence of Arabia (1962)

Lives up to every expectation you might have. A truly insane masterpiece, given the year.

#1) The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly (1966)

Petition to award Eli Wallach a posthumous Oscar for this role. An astonishing spectacle.

I was told I should summarize my year-long experience of watching 365 movies. Give my fans (both of them) a clever yet poignant witticism about the perils and promise of "new-to-me" cinema, how you discover so much about your storytelling preferences in adulthood, compelling you to look inward, perhaps analyze why you gravitate toward what you gravitate to.

And I dunno, it's a lot of movies ... You all should do it too, but like, it's a lot of movies.

Anyway, my favorite was, oh, let's say Rain Man.

*Feature image by Graham Sisk, created for Pipeline Artists