Confidence vs. Arrogance

We’ve all seen that writer … the one on socials, talking like they know it all, endlessly posting “expert” advice, assuming we not only want to hear it but need to hear it.

But do we? Do we really need all the opinions? Especially ones intended to make us take a wrong turn and stop trusting our own instincts.

Maybe they should just zip it. Yeah, I said it.

Back when I joined the socials in 2009, I sought to learn something new every day. And I did. No one loved Twitter more than this girl. My writers’ water cooler. The gang was generous, humble and eager—the first to admit they didn’t know jack but wanted to learn alongside each other.

But now? Holy ego, Batman … the unsolicited, irresponsible advice runs wild.

It’s not just bad advice, it’s also how it’s delivered—with such overconfidence that crosses a line into arrogance. I’m all for someone wanting to help those less experienced, but when that attitude morphs into recklessness, I want to crawl through the screen and deliver a Moonstruck slap.

My head spins when I read rigid absolutes like, “You must write to the trends … never write to trends … write every day … all you need is to write 15 minutes a day … my way is the ONLY way you’ll ever succeed!”

In my experience, one thing is true: There’s no single way to create anything, especially art.

These unwarranted opinions even smack of judgment. Maybe before hitting send, these keyboard warriors should use the glass-house rule. They have no idea what other creatives are going through. Maybe they’re juggling newborn twins, or caregiving for their aging parents. Perhaps their own health teeters on the edge, whether it be physical, mental or financial. Writing every day simply is impossible for most people. Its value is also debatable. Progress is progress, even if only one word a day.

Life happens, and we should be actually living in order to have something meaningful to write about. Imagine that. Shutting your phone off and living your life.

That goes for business advice, too. Anyone stuck in the query trenches doesn’t need to hear, “Query 100 agents at a time, and if no one wants your book, just self-publish.”

That first novel … your debut … matters more than most authors realize. You have one shot at a first impression. One time to be the new, shiny discovery an agent or publisher aches to find.

Before rushing into anything, please take business advice from actual literary agents. It’s not difficult to find them. Many are on Substack or have podcasts. We even host them on free Symposiums. Side note: Did you hear about our “Dear Max” column, yet? (You can submit questions to a top editor; deets here.)

These pros will be the first to tell you querying 100 agents at once will not improve your odds or make the query process go faster. If you query in batches, you might get feedback that will help you tweak your query or your first pages. Patience, Grasshopper.

But trolls will troll. They spiral your brain into a dark abyss, yet rarely espouse the value of patience. Or practice. Or dedication. Or how many drafts you’ll write before anyone finds your words worth reading.

Think of it as if you were diagnosed with an ailment and jumped to the internet for answers. Just like you shouldn’t Google medical symptoms, don’t look to IG for critical writing advice. Seek out a professional. Be a learning junkie.

Remember that scene in Kill Bill, where Uma Thurman’s character trains with a kung-fu master? My favorite line … “It is the wood that should fear your hand.”  

She punches the board. Over and over. We tap the keyboard, over and over. Rewrite, over and over. Query, over and over. There is no magic trick to expedite the process. Learning takes practice and practice never ends. No two writers have the same experience or learning curve, so don’t beat yourself up if your friend gets signed after a month of querying while you’ve been at it for a year. You’ll find your match. See “patience” above.

I get it. You’re tired. You want to move on to a new story. Plus, indie filmmaking or self-publishing empowers you. Absolutely. Except for one thing … you must, and I mean MUST, make sure the foundation of your story shines. (Yes, I know I said “must” … pretty definitive statement. But I stand by it.) Don’t shoot a film before the script is ready. By "ready" I mean it has to move you in ways you never expected. Do you have something important to say? Analyze what you can cut or change to save shooting budget. Or in a novel. Did you go page by page and do line edits? Choose active verbs? End each chapter in a way that makes someone have to keep reading?

There is no short cut in art.

Instead of jumping off the short-cut cliff, take a deep breath. Consider the big picture of your career, not just what you think the trend is. Trends change. Always. Your writing career expands beyond this one story.

Be emotional in your writing but not in your business decisions.

As my colleague, Spike Scarberry, says, “The magic sauce in storytelling is emotional resonance.” Push the troll advice aside and work on moving your readers. Make them feel. Make them have to turn the page. Shut out the noise and hit those keys. Hard. Until it makes you feel. Because I would guess you’re holding back. You’re protecting yourself, or maybe even your characters.

Open your laptop, close the door … bleed on the page like only you can. What scares you to write is exactly what you need to be writing.

Read that again … what scares you? What fear or gritty experience are you hiding? Do that. Be raw and vulnerable. Be authentic.

Above all, be a good person. How many of those do you see in your socials’ troll feed? To be clear, I’m not assuming everyone with a strong opinion is a jerk. I clearly have lots of strong opinions. My kids don’t call me “Tom Petty” for nothing. But when someone gets a charge out of crushing complete strangers’ dreams, then I have to wonder what kind of character they have.

Here’s a Hard Truth: No one wants to work with a bully. Ever. And they don’t want to work with someone who is just … difficult. Toxic. Judgmental. At least I don’t. Agents and managers will look at your social media feed to gauge your personality. The internet is forever.

No one disputes the challenges of an artist’s life. I’m the first to crave brutally honest feedback, even if it hurts to hear. But we hope to also find joy in our writing, and camaraderie in our creative community. Writing is a collaborative medium. Show the powers that be that you can pivot, be a good team player, and yearn to improve.

Shouldn’t we strive to be a helpful supporter instead of an offensive lecturer?

When I was a young child, my father would declare that 70% of people were ill-advised. To be fair, he wasn’t dissing on society, he was setting the bar for his own children. He instilled in us that with hard work, we could rise above the masses in terms of intellect and ability. As the years passed, his percentage rose to 90%. What can I say? Life hardens the best of us. I can only image what he’d say today if he were on social media.

So, I ask you, why are you listening to these people? Listen to those who are actual experts. Listen to the agents and pros. Follow them. Soak in their advice. Not just the advice of one, but that of many. Keep learning. And delete those apps. Go live a life worth writing about.

I’ve taken on a new philosophy this year: Someone’s opinion of me is none of my business. It’s the most liberating mind shift I’ve ever made. All that matters is my opinion of myself, my work ethic, and my own character. Write like no one’s opinion matters. Put it all out there. Then rewrite until you’re proud.

The trolls will troll but at least you’ll be confident that you’re being authentic.

*Feature image by vali_111