Artist Marina Billinghurst on Authoring Her First Book

Some people are just meant to be a light in the world. They shine bright without even trying, an effervescent influence inspiring others simply by being themselves and doing what they love.

For Marina Billinghurst, that’s been a multitude of creative endeavors: Watercolor artist and teacher, textile designer for major Canadian fashion brand, Joe Fresh, Creative Director for Caulfeild (known for handling brands like Ben Sherman and Calvin Klein), lead singer in a rock band, fashion designer, and arguably most impressively—I mean, I’m a writer, publishing something is always going to be most impressive—recent author of The Nine Magical Butterflies in response to a tragic accident.

I met Marina over a decade ago when she first fluttered into my Fashion Design class at a small private college I’d decided to attend post-University Creative Writing degree (because what the hell does one do with a writing degree?!).

She was this blonde Amazonian model—but for reals, she was a child model—with a bright smile that was instantly intimidating. And yet … the part that truly made her beautiful we’d find out as soon as she started to teach? She was simply lovely.

Marina has an innate, genuine ever-encouraging attitude for those of us who do not—and cannot—put brush to paper. But you still kinda want to try and at least have fun with it, because she makes it fun, accessible, and all-around feel like you can do the thing, not just because she believes in you.

Being around Marina is a little like being around the sun: blinding in all the best ways, as it warms you from the inside out in an energizing way.

So, when Marina told me she wanted to write a book about art and healing and transformation and all the things, I think I was more excited than she was. Terrified for her, naturally, because hello publishing?! Do you have any idea how hard that is?! But I also didn’t doubt for a second she wouldn’t do it.

Emphasizing the importance of self-expression and authenticity of art is synonymous with everything Marina does, and The Nine Magical Butterflies explores those themes through personal anecdotes and the ritual of art; bringing a trifecta of creative expression together. The art of writing. The art of watercolor painting. And the art of healing through personal exploration.

From a burgeoning love affair with the magnetic force of the late-twentieth century fashion industry thanks to Vogue and her exposure to modeling, Marina attended prestigious Parsons School of Design in New York City; an adventure that was cut short when 9/11 scared her into returning home one year shy of graduation. Undeterred from fashion however, she opened her own boutique in Vancouver, Canada’s happening Yaletown district before—wait for it—answering the call to be in a touring rock band.

Still following?

“I think being an artist is just crazy,” Marina smiles.

I mean, whoever said we had to just be one thing in life to be successful? Is it society or an ingrained sense of identity that we must choose? Or are we allowed, as artists, as human beings with the gift of choice, to have all these creative dreams that we dare pursue?

“I’m starting to not judge myself for calling myself an artist, because there is that stigma. But I’m always trying to express myself using different mediums. And for someone to be like, oh what was Marina thinking being in a rock band? But I really wanted to explore what it would be like using that medium to express myself. I might’ve been more talented at drawing than I was at singing; I probably should have had more training in before I jumped into the ring of fire with a female band who were born and bred to do what they do … There’re muscles to train, just like with painting. I teach my students to loosen up the wrists, because stiff hands don’t express those beautiful lines. Just like nerves on stage.

"I’ve never looked at anything like, I’m going to do that for the rest of my life. I look at it as, I want to try this right now and see how it goes. That’s just my free spirit. I’m so grateful for all the connections and the passion I have, and I know if I’m feeling it, I’m going to follow it and let it flow until it doesn’t flow anymore.

"I think that’s what stops so many people. They think, well I’m not good at it so I’m not going to even try. But that’s your crutch. It’s what’s stopping you from greatness … but that’s not really for you to decide at the end of the day, because you never know who’s going to be inspired by the art that you create. The art you create, creates art.”

Now if that isn’t one of the best soundbites I’ve heard. That there is the beautiful part about Marina; how much she wants to share her gifts and help others discover their inner artist.

“I’m letting go of perfection as I get older, because I’m realizing it’s better to create imperfect art than never to create at all. It might be perfect to someone else and soothe their soul. The more art we create, the better off the world will be.

"Life is magic. I’m really grateful to not be held back by fear to create the things I want to create, because those will be in the world longer than me, and that’s magic. Art outlives us all.

"The books I read and the art from others I still cherish from when I was a young girl. Degas and Georgia O’Keeffe … The different perspectives and beauty; that inspired me to be like, what if I tried to paint something? Being inspired by other art is what’s kept me safe and protected in this crazy world of judgement. My version is my version. If I try to paint like Degas or sing like Adele, then I’m not being me. I try to be as authentic as possible in a world that’s so influential. Especially with social media so many people are trying to be someone else. Who do you want to be? The follower or the leader?”

Marina eventually went back to NYC a decade after first being there to graduate from Parsons, leading to corporate life in Toronto at Canadian apparel distributor Caulfeild Apparel. That’s when life intervened, changing her trajectory forever. After a massive car accident, she lost her twin babies in utero and moved West with her husband for a fresh start closer to her roots and family.

“I had to surrender to a change of purpose. It was a moment of, do I want to survive? But I did. So, why am I here? I was designing for all these companies, but not believing in them; I started to feel the depths of darkness of the fast fashion industry and questioning why I was feeding into them. It’s not helping the planet.

"I couldn’t have [these] children, so it became about making my life matter. I started to meditate and would see these butterflies, and they would lead me into my past, my childhood, things I’d buried. And I would paint a butterfly to release a trauma in my body.

"So, I would take a 'chapter' of my story and this really dark shit that was so deeply buried, and I would paint a butterfly to help me let go of it. And the butterflies became these symbols of transformation to look at and be like, Okay, I survived. I’m a survivor. And I’m okay. And I want to help other people because we carry this weight, and we start to tell ourselves we’re damaged goods; that we’re no good, and we’re not worthy. But going through this experience made me realize I am worthy. And even if I’m not a mother and never will be, I choose to love myself. I have made silly and bad mistakes, but they don’t define me. I am apologetic and the person who did them at the time was damaged and didn’t know it.

"It’s never too late. You’re never too old to go back and try to heal, and that’s what writing this book did for me. I had to face it by putting it out into the world. I look back on it, and there’s more I could’ve shared … It’s just a reminder that we can heal. Pain births purpose sometimes, and if we’re paying enough attention, we can transform it into change and healing and growth.”

Nothing worth it is ever easy.

“I was told after my accident I’d never have children. And then nine months after I published my book, I was blessed with a healthy pregnancy and now I have a beautiful one-year-old daughter. It wasn’t through IVF this time. She came when she was supposed it. Miracles happen, and that’s what my book is all about.”

That’s the beautiful thing about art and life. It’s unexpected, it’s raw and emotional, and lets us know what we’re made of.

“I know what making art did for me. There was no YouTube when I was a kid, trying to learn how to paint. I loved the exploration. I think that’s where a lot of people get lost in trying to learn. But if you try to get somewhere on your own path in your own way, you’re going to lock it in a lot faster.

"My teaching is, screw the bullshit and become present. The sooner that you turn off your phone. Turn off all of your ideas about what perfection is. Create a space you’re stoked to be in with the candles and playlists and crystals or whatever it is that gets you present—you’re already winning.

"The actual painting is step-by-step, and I’m so happy to share it. Painting has saved me from heartbreak, broken relationships, abuse, infertility, loneliness, disappointment, and failure. It has saved me from anything where I felt disconnected. It’s this meditation I can’t get from anywhere else. Some get it from gardening or cooking, I get it from painting.

"That’s what I like to teach people: to get into that flow. I can’t even tell you how it feels when someone has that breakthrough in one of my workshops and then they go home and keep painting. I have students in their sixties who are now doing their own art shows! I feel like it’s my service as a human to hand this tool to people. It’s my purpose in life.”

Marina’s varied endeavors are not unlike the film industry, where a writer has a vision that’s then dabbled in and swirled around and changes on its way from hand to hand on the way up the ladder. Artists in every medium deal with these confines.

That’s where taking control of your own life, your own paintbrush and saying Nope, this painting is finished. Self-publishing your own novel to say Nope, this is how the story was meant to be told. Is freeing as an artist.

Stay true to your why and dream big.

Even if I never pick up a paintbrush again or draw another croquis, that’s what Marina will have taught me.

*Photos by Ashley Green