The Bumpy Road

“Upon review of your full manuscript, we would like to congratulate you on a fantastic story and extend an offer to publish your full work, subsequent series included. There are so many things we loved about your story, particularly your engaging characters and unique storyline.”

After reading these words, I was ecstatic. I had been working towards getting my work published for a couple years, and it was finally happening.

This is the exact quote of the small indie press who offered to publish my debut novel, Awakened, a young adult fantasy. I had just decided to leave my literary agent for various reasons, and we were in the throes of the pandemic, when someone from this press ‘liked’ a pitch I posted on X for #pitdark.

I never heard of this newer press, but after initial research, they seemed decent enough, and I was looking for a win. So, in a leap of faith, I submitted my work. Soon after requesting the full manuscript, they enthusiastically offered to publish my book. It was June 2020, and amidst the world being in lockdown and sick of rejection after rejection, I was more than ready to remove the aspiring from my aspiring author identity. And even though it wasn’t one of the big traditional publishers I had always dreamed of, I still celebrated with a glass of wine and family-size bag of Doritos.

During the editing phase, the first red flag arose.

I was so excited to dive into my story and get it ready for publication, but the feedback I received was, let’s say … amateurish at best. It quickly became clear that the editor hadn’t carefully read my story and was offering feedback that didn’t make any sense. I was alarmed at the unprofessionalism, but when I showed the revisions to the publisher and shared my concerns, they validated my feelings by giving my book to a new editor who provided insightful and professional notes.

Crisis averted and excitement renewed, I was ready for my book release. This was all new to me, but in my estimation, it went well. It was Covid, so there were no in-person events, but I gained a good amount of followers on social media, was featured on Tor.com, and initial sales looked promising.

It wasn’t until I received my first royalty statement that another red flag was raised. I expressed my concerns about the lackluster report, and sure enough, mistakes were made. After this happening a couple more times, and reports coming out that the press wasn’t paying their authors or editors correctly, I knew I had to abandon ship.

This meant that technically, I would no longer be a published author.

After a couple days of feeling sorry for myself and emptied pints of ice cream, I decided to try and find a new home for Awakened. Before I left this small press, I had published a short story for an anthology through a different small press. The experience was a positive one, so I asked them if they would be interested in taking Awakened on board. They read the book and were delighted to add it to their catalogue.

After they re-published Awakened, they also agreed to publish A Fragile Woman, my debut adult romantic suspense novel. This was due to be released in April 2023, only a couple weeks after giving birth to my first child, so, in all honesty, I barely remember it. What I do remember is that those royalty statements also seemed inaccurate, but I was too sleep deprived and covered in spit-up to investigate further.

They were due to publish another book of mine in early 2024, but when drama with some of their other authors imploded online, resulting in legal trouble for the small press, I was again faced with the decision to halt publication of my new book and pull my previous two from their catalogue. This resulted in more ice cream, but this time around I had to fend off a baby who inherited my sweet tooth.

So, here I am, four years after publishing my first book, a previously-published, currently-unpublished, author.

But why am I sharing this overall disappointing experience, you might ask? Well … I find that the world shines a light on success stories but doesn’t always highlight the struggle to get to that success, or the blatant truth of failure.

Technically, I have failed. I set out to be a published author, and while that was the case for a while, it’s no longer true.

Failure.

And don’t get me wrong, I was upset about it, and still am. But I’ve also come to learn that that’s not a bad thing. Because through that failure, I’ve been able to reflect and better set myself up for the future.

If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change a thing. Not only did I learn so much about publishing and grew as a writer, but I also learned to advocate for myself and make difficult decisions.

And this failure doesn’t mean I’m going to give up.

I thought about throwing in the towel, but that thought process was fueled by self-doubt and a sugar crash. I love writing so much so that it is an impossibility that I would ever quit. And failing over the past few years has only solidified my passion for storytelling.

Because if I didn’t love it, why on earth would I put myself through this over and over again?

I’m now working on a new book and loving every second of it. And when it comes time to go on submission to agents and editors, I won’t simply say ‘yes’ because someone else said it first. Because of what I’ve gone through, I will only put my stories in the trusted hands of reputable people with a proven track record in the publishing industry.

And even then, I may still fail. But that’s life.

To top this article off with some cheese, life is about the journey, not the destination. All I know is that amongst the failure, I’m sure there will be plenty of success, no matter how small. And I’ll definitely be celebrating with a glass of wine and family-sized bag of Doritos.

*Feature image by Cristina Conti (Adobe)