Hard Truths You Probably Don’t Wanna Hear But Should: Special Author Edition

So I've read over a thousand queries since last year, which is a mere fraction across the inboxes (inboxi?) of most lit agents, who can receive hundreds PER WEEK, if not more. But it's enough to see trends, good and bad, that are helping or hurting this fine, upstanding author community.

Take heed:

• The best story ideas are the ones that feel familiar but different. It's the hardest balance to strike. But it's the one that allows the reader to say, "Oh, I can pitch it like X or Y, but with this new fun twist—in character, or structure, or plotting, or concept—that we haven't seen much of before."
• The worst story ideas are the ones that feel safe and familiar.
• Do NOT follow up multiple times asking if we've had a chance to read the material. If you never got a full request and didn't hear back, it's probably a pass. Fortunately, this is a huge rarity, from what I've seen amongst authors. In screenwriting, it's a little different, but we'll get to that in a different Screenwriter Edition.
• You have to read the preferences and criteria on the publisher's or agent's site. If they say they don't want sci-fi, DON'T PITCH YOUR SCI-FI BOOK. If they say "no novellas," don't send a 25,000-word book you swear is a "novel." Obviously. I think what happens is authors get trapped in this Let-Me-Carpet-Bomb-Everyone mentality, and it just doesn't fly.
• If you think your writing isn't good enough, or you're not proud of it, don't send it out yet.
• If you're proud of what you've written but are uncertain, don't let that stop you from sending it to every applicable outlet you possibly can. Hesitancy in fear of rejection is the devil's ... something something, I dunno, the point is you have to try. You never know.
• In a query:

1. You don't have to say "has cinematic potential" or "has bestseller potential" or whatever variation on how your book is the best thing ever. Of course you think that. You should think that. Just let the writing speak for itself. You wouldn't go on a first date and talk about how you have "marriage and child-bearing potential," right? ... Like, you wouldn't do that, right?
2. Don't get too cute with it. Your voice should shine through, and I like it when a query injects a bit of personality, but if you get overly creative, you're gonna turn off the person reading who's likely been reading hundreds of queries that month (or that week, or that day). EX: "Imagine a world where the dead have no rights. Hey, none of us have been dead before, right??? But do me a favor. Close your eyes. Imagine a new world again for the second time where—" No. Please, stop it. Pitch the story, and yourself, and move on.
3. Once again, for it bears repeating: read the guidelines and material preferences before submitting. I know it takes more time, but you already spent 15 years, or whatever, writing the book, what's a few more minutes of research?

• Read more.
• Spend more time picking fun, original concepts.
• Write more.
• If you don't enjoy the process, if you don't enjoy writing ... quit.