The Queue: 365 Movies I Never Saw Because I've Spent Too Much Time on Twitter - Part VI (June 2023)
Part 6 of a 12-part series whereupon I watch one movie a day and rank them in their given month based entirely on subjective preferences.
The rules:
1) must be a movie I've never seen
2) review must be 32 words or less
3) must include an assortment of genres, directors, countries, and films inside and outside my comfort zone
4) must watch the film in its entirety, no matter how atrocious
Like you, I have a lot of movies on my list, many of which are so painfully popular, I carry great shame in having missed them. Few regrets. But great shame.
For each, I shall write only brief thoughts and become an intolerable quasi-cinephile who thinks Jeanne Dielman, 23 quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles is more interesting than any Marvel movie, and Phil Alden Robinson is a better director than James Cameron. Both of which are true.
I apologize for nothing.
Enjoy.
~MJM
A very poor man's 80s spoof. The dumb humor and mix of effects almost (almost) feel ahead of its time. That's my only explanation.
#29) The Sword in the Stone (1963)
Not a Disney best, but Merlin is underrated. Does have one great scene toward the end.
#28) Nymphomaniac: Vol. II - Director's Cut (2013)
Like (another) 3-hour therapy session with penises and also sexual violence and a DIY abortion, but also it's art (?). One could write a veritable dissertation unpacking everything.
The moral here: kids slow you down. I will not be taking counter-theories.
Okay, I watched it.
It's slow, yes. But what a film like this needs is a director (and an editor) who knows how to maintain interest. Which it does. Stay for the ending!
#24) Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore (1974)
I found it a little disjointed, but Ellen Burstyn's everything. Her best role that I've seen. Had no idea the series "Alice" was based on this because I'm stupid.
Despite kind of a blah plot and very extremely not subtle dialogue, Fraser is solid, and Ben Affleck plays a character named Chesty, so a thumbs up.
Objectively very good. Was I into it? Beginning to end? Not really. But the last third is hot.
I dunno. It's not my favorite Soderbergh, but that's a high bar to meet.
Sufficiently entertaining. Albeit we are to believe this is a world without security cameras and/or alarms? If this mirrors the irl story, I'm flabbergasted.
#19) Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)
Watching these two skanks trot around is immensely enjoyable.
I'm sorry, Bambi is a boy?
Some tropes, a few really lame lines, and a couple pointless side characters for needless stakes, but it's rockin.
The two guys looked the same to me, so I got confused after one of them died, but anyway—goodness, what a cast ...
Feels like a comic book, which works imo. Similar to but vastly, vastly different from Scarface (my favorite of De Palma, ftr).
Too much wheel spinning? Clue crawled so Knives Out could sprint.
#13) Night at the Museum (2006)
Imagine casting Rickey Gervais and giving him zero funny lines. Despite that, one of the top Ben Stiller performances (no, I swear!). Last third is solid.
#12) Young Frankenstein (1974)
This is kind of a cheat because I've seen most of it in bits and pieces, but upon full viewing, Mel Brooks in his prime. Except Spaceballs. Obv.
#11) Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)
Not as dumb as I always assumed it was. Amy Heckerling is very good at this.
Give Rose Glass (the director) all the slow-burn thrillers.
A lot of little details in Blake Edwards' directing that make it unique and much funnier than I presumed.
The unique structure really jams. Giamatti is Giamatti-level.
Not a Western fan. This is an exception. Legit funny, too.
#6) The Cider House Rules (1999)
"Good night, you kings of Camelot. You princes of South Wales." That's not how it goes, but it flows better, doesn't it? Either way. An intense little movie.
I don't think I've seen a heist film that takes its sweet time and is better for it. Thoroughly enjoyable.
A ridiculous car chase, some comically over-the-top beats, and it's very obvious who the killer is by the midpoint (until it wasn't, until it was again, then wasn't).
Hadn't seen a Scorsese documentary before, and that's clearly a crime, and for what this is, it's magnif.
#2) In the Heat of the Night (1967)
A perfect movie.
Lyne's Unfaithful is a personal all-time top 50. Ditto this. Superb filmmaking, like we're peeking in on these people's lives. By the end, it felt like I had an affair with Glenn Close.
Read previous lists: January | February | March | April | May
*Feature image by Graham Sisk, created for Pipeline Artists
